I thought that I have to write something since I have a lot of time but.. I click the new post button and once it appeared.. my mind blank~ mong~ dunno what to write..but then I closed..then click again then closed again then I encouragely take a big step click it and wrote life is hard..yeah.. you know..Life is all about Choices.. you know it even when we started open our eyes in the morning..
"should I get up or continue sleep?"
"what will I do if I woke up? take a bath first or choose shirt?"
"which shirt should I wear today?green or pink" *over laa kot kalaw yang ni..hehe..bantai je pkai bju ape pun,,dh cuti kann..xde g mna2..*
No one ever told me that life is easy..what I ever heard almost 20 year of my life that they always said Life is Hard..
then laugh! so that you enjoy even it is hard..right?but sometimes you can pulled out a fake smile..but can't force a laugh.. *I need a laughing gas anyway..where can I get it?*
hear this song and it will delivered to you heart how I feel.. Winner-Empty
yeah.. a lot of things happened in my life..and I though it's hard to face it..in my way..yeah..you know.. I'm the one that prefer to do anything with my way.. I wanna try it.. I wanna learn it through my way..
Everyone have their own obstacle..even with own style..we,human.. never feel enough with everything that we have..but grateful makes it's enough even when we didn't have enough though..
I used to have a lot of friends.. yes.. I like it and really love my friends.. but always something happened when I really loved them..it will ended up I'm hurt.. ALWAYS! just me that hurt because they even didn't care about me..yup..who knows..
I was have a friends.. a very kind girl friends.. I thought that we will be friend until the end of our life.. *everyone hope for that*.. we were friends since form 1 and form 4.. First I met you in class.. I was like..waahh..she so beautiful..then I take a big step to make a friend with you first.. then I am happy to have you as my friend..then until form 4 there were a new student that transfer to our school and one of them sitted beside me.. we were friend untill graduate from high school.. after that,we are never contact again.. haa.. such a pathetic fact..yup.. I agree..we busy with our studies right? me too.. and I hate to myself because didn't ask their condition.. and it's end up.. we far apart..
when I open my FB account.. there were a lot of pictures about a long lasting friends.. one of group from my school..2MK..and other group.. you know..I'm soo envy of them..like seriously.. I wanna be like them too.. have a besties..even far apart.. recently I'm text with one of my friend which is I know her since form 1..I got a news that she will graduate from UIA..hurmm...good luck for you,girl! I hope that you can graduate with a best result.. hope for dean list InsyaAllah.. I'm happy for you..
My another friend is further her study in Egypt.. before I know that. I heard a rumored that she will get married and when I asked her..It's a lie.. I'm okay since everything gives you happiness..
So.. now I'm realised...it just me who is ask them what are they doing.. If any of you know them.and ask to them about me.. I don't think that they know.. right?huh! another pathetic fact that I have to swallowed..
Am I not that lucky in friendship? even in my matriculation life..
you know the system at matriculation.. we have a classmate..and we stick together until graduate from matric..then I had 2 friends also here..but I think 3..haha.. one..first is my friend since high school..I thought that I'm soo lucky to have her..yup.. for year.. we friend..then there was a second intake student that also my friend..but I never see her as a second intake student.. I really love both of them.. but what I received in return is... huh! *sigh*
After we graduate from matric.. not even one of them contact me.. yes I hope for them to contact me first..because..as long as we are friend..it always me who i contact them first,,even when they sick..hurt..but when I'm the one that hurt...I can't blamed them because I love them..
but then in my first year in UUM.. something pop ups in my whatsapp..Buddies group created.. Friends 1 joined..Friends 2 joined..Kirah joined.. I was like.. waaahhh..but..one of them is a same person and another is unexpected treats me like friend too.. thanks guys.. seriously I love you guys and I miss you guys..
When I stepped my first step in UUM.. I was like.. I wanna have a boy friend.. not the special one.. I mean a best friend who is guy.. My first though there are exist a friendship between a guy and girl.. I want to proves it.. but then what happened is soo hurtful..and full of regret.. I treat him like I'm used to with my girl friends.. haha.. seriously.. I feel embarased to death.. I feel like wanna kill myself when I remember what had happened.. I can't tell it here.. because it's obviously my fault.. hope the hospitality from a guy..of course it a misunderstanding to him.. sorry from me.. *even you didn't know it*
But I'm soo grateful to have a few friends that will be with me even when I fall...
Mira..Hajar..Wan..huhu..thanks guys..Love three of you damn much!
I hope we can graduate... I don't like hope that our friendship will last forever.. it's a trauma to me now.. and even Forever thingy also give me such bad feeling.. yup.. I know..we are not live forever.. because one day maybe one of us will hurt..just follow the flow..and I didn;t want to expect anything from you guys..just be healthy and happy.. itu dah sangat mencukupi..
So one day.. I was thinking like crazy.. asking myself..why?why?why? and why again..
but it seemed like I didn't get the answer..
- do my way of treat is false?is it burden you?
- do I offened you something?
- do I hurt you in any way?
-do I giving you a hard time?
yes.. just one of the reason I get.. I'm ugly and I know it.. *hear Ugly-2NE1 you will know better my heart*
it just end up.. I'm blamed myself.. huh..so what I have to do? It's out of my control..
So I'm taking the easy way.. abandon everything..and start a new leaf..
My friends.. I'm so sorry for everything happened in our friendship..
Lets create a new memory..
As a wrapped up.. I wrote about my friendship since high school since now.. I'm curious about other friendship..because I'm envy to them.. what will happened to me in future..
Since high school.. I heard that people around me said that friendly..yes. I agree because I'm bravely approached someone to create a friendship.. but.. I don't even have a bestfriend.. that a friend would be..
Friends.. whats that?
kimkirah
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